ROSES ARE RED; VIOLETS ARE BLUE; FUCK YOU, WHORE!!!

The Irony of Love~

The greatest irony of love;
loving the right person at the wrong time,
having the wrong person when the time is right
and finding out you love someone right after
that person walks out of your life...

and sometimes, you think you're already over a person,
but when you see them smile at you,
you'll suddenly realize that you're just pretending
to be over them just to ease the pain of knowing that
they will never be yours again...

for some, they think that letting go is one way
of expressing how much they love that person...
in my opinion, some are afraid to see the one they love
being held by someone else...

most relationships tend to fail not because
the absence of love. love is always present.
it's just that one was being loved too much and the
other was being loved too little...

as we all know that the heart is the center of the body
but it beats on the left. maybe that's the reason
why the heart is not always right...

most often we fall in love with the person we think we love
but to only discover that for them
we are just for passing time. while the one who truly
loves us remains either a friend or a stranger...

so here's a piece of advice;
let go when you're hurting too much.
give up when love isn't enough.
and move on when things are not like before...

For sure there is someone out there
WHO WiLL LOVE YOU EVEN MORE...

-paul 112 matrix

NEED YOU NOW

Please click the title above. This is exactly what I'm feeling right now.

Can’t sleep. This same time last year (Maundy Thursday in the Philippines), I was flying out from Manila to come back to my supposedly new home. I didn’t know back then what to expect once I come back. I flew in on Good Friday (Chicago time).

The very next day after my arrival, I saw him--him who changed my life or, so to say, my perspective in life. That Black Saturday marked my very first serious date with him, at least from my standpoint. I knew I met up with him that day for a reason. I remember having bad jet lag that very day as well. So, why? Why did I go? What could probably happen if I had chosen to stay in instead? Would my heart not be breaking right now? In any case, I’m happy I did.


--


I got asked 5 times by 5 different guys to go out on a date in a short span of a week. I should be happy, right? One of them even asked me about him, if I still had feelings for him. And I don’t know why, but all that came out were the words: I LOVE HIM, BUT I’M NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM ANYMORE. It’s true. I can honestly say now that I’m just in love with the feeling of still having him around. I mean, please don’t get me wrong, he will always be a part of me and I will always love him and be thankful for the short time that he was part of my life. But you know what I’ve realized? It’s impossible to be in love with someone who doesn’t have that same exact feeling towards you. And besides, he’s a different person now. He’s no longer the being I fell in love with. When we were first starting to date, these were his words to me: “If we dated a year ago, it wouldn’t have worked out fine. I was a different person back then.” –I suppose he’s back to being that ‘different’ person again. And the person I fell in love with? He left the same day his heart stopped beating and fighting for me. I miss him, but I can never bring him back. . .



"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!"(Isaiah 43: 18-19a).

4:35am: I woke up in the middle of the night with a distinct smell in my nose, something so familiar to my senses.. It's the scent of his perfume. What is it doing waking me up like this? I had dreams about him almost every night this week; some were bad ones, some were fairly good.

Sometimes, I cannot help but question why so much signs are pointing me back to him. Every corner of my house, my car, my favorite restaurants, the park by my house, Chicago Chinatown, the neighborhood grocery store (Jewel) and so much more; they all ring a bell, they remind me of the remarkable memories that were made with him.

Does he ever get that? Does he even recall how happy we once were? Do I ever cross his mind in the middle of the day, or before he falls asleep at night?

To be honest, I doubt it.

Just Let It Go

Tomorrow marks the first entire week without anything from him -- (no sms, call, email, tweet, FB message, poke, words with friends game). Nothing.

I would never thought I could last a week, to be honest. As I endure this pain that’s killing me right now though, I can feel myself becoming stronger as well. Over the past week, I’ve learned to let go of things that were once valuable to me. For one, I sold my first guitar today and it was one of the very first investments that I made in this country. You could just imagine, It meant a lot. It kept me company during those times when I was out and about, feeling helpless and alone. I have learned my very first song with that guitar. I remember how I would chill with it in the basement; while I watch YouTube artists play those songs that I wanted to learn back then.

There is only one song that I've learned to actually play and master: I'm Yours by Jason Mraz.

The past year has been one of the toughest for me. I graduated with honors in the peak of the recession. How ironic and lucky, right? For quite a while before that, obviously, I was smart. I was the most reserved person you would ever meet. I would never open up to you, I was very enigmatic and I had the darkest secrets.

What happened?? I fell for a guy. A little less than a year after that, after all the promises and dreams of ending up with each other one day, he left me…



This is the voice of my broken heart. You’re invited to journey with me as I learn the art of forgiveness and, I guess, letting go.