Can’t sleep. This same time last year (Maundy Thursday in the Philippines), I was flying out from Manila to come back to my supposedly new home. I didn’t know back then what to expect once I come back. I flew in on Good Friday (Chicago time).

The very next day after my arrival, I saw him--him who changed my life or, so to say, my perspective in life. That Black Saturday marked my very first serious date with him, at least from my standpoint. I knew I met up with him that day for a reason. I remember having bad jet lag that very day as well. So, why? Why did I go? What could probably happen if I had chosen to stay in instead? Would my heart not be breaking right now? In any case, I’m happy I did.


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I got asked 5 times by 5 different guys to go out on a date in a short span of a week. I should be happy, right? One of them even asked me about him, if I still had feelings for him. And I don’t know why, but all that came out were the words: I LOVE HIM, BUT I’M NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM ANYMORE. It’s true. I can honestly say now that I’m just in love with the feeling of still having him around. I mean, please don’t get me wrong, he will always be a part of me and I will always love him and be thankful for the short time that he was part of my life. But you know what I’ve realized? It’s impossible to be in love with someone who doesn’t have that same exact feeling towards you. And besides, he’s a different person now. He’s no longer the being I fell in love with. When we were first starting to date, these were his words to me: “If we dated a year ago, it wouldn’t have worked out fine. I was a different person back then.” –I suppose he’s back to being that ‘different’ person again. And the person I fell in love with? He left the same day his heart stopped beating and fighting for me. I miss him, but I can never bring him back. . .



"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!"(Isaiah 43: 18-19a).